The Big Man Goes to Beijing

After a bizarre exchange between two dictators, China flexes its muscles to the world— and a very special guest

For centuries, humans have engaged in a quixotic mission to defy the laws of biology and find the elixir of immortality. From Alexander the Great to Ponce De Leon and most recently the Nazis, ambitious men have sought a miracle that would transcend the powers of their deities and erase the process of aging forever. Of course, none of these men found such a fountain of youth. Their failures, however, have not stopped the 21^st century’s most powerful strongmen, Chinese President Xi Jinping and Russian President Vladimir Putin from such audacious endeavors. According to Putin, “In a few years, with the development of biotechnology, human organs can be constantly transplanted so that people can live younger and younger, and even become immortal.” Xi responded, certainly aware of his own country’s dark legacy of organ harvesting, by predicting that humans may live up to 150 years old. You may find this exchange amusing, frightening, just plain weird, or all of the above. Regardless, Xi and Putin’s hot mic in Beijing is a pretty telling indication of the psychiatric consequences of absolute dictatorial power.

This bizarre incident occurred as China was conducting a major military parade at Tiananmen Square in Beijing to show the world their large and growing military capabilities. Instead of providing a dull title such as A Celebration of the Victory in the War Against Japan, Beijing has instead opted to up the ante with the not-so-subtle 80th Anniversary of the Victory in the War Against Japanese Aggression and the World Anti-Fascist War. Despite Japanese efforts to atone for their past atrocities, the Chinese Communist Party has systematically constructed a cult of Japanophobia throughout China, ensuring that Chinese citizens are not allowed to forget or forgive— even if they wanted to. And with the geopolitical rivalry between the world’s two superpowers unlikely to cease anytime soon, Beijing has also sought to downplay the critical role of the United States not only in the downfall of Imperial Japan but also our direct assistance for Chinese resistance against Japan’s brutal occupation.

Instead, China’s de facto emperor Xi Jinping has found new friends and new heroes in his grand quest for a new Sinocentric world order.

The guest list is a who’s who of Eurasian (and global) strongmen, including Cuban President Miguel Diaz-Canel, Vietnamese President Luong Cuong, Iranian President Mashoud Pezeshkian, Armenian Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan, and Pakistani Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had previously been in Beijing for the Shanghai Cooperation Organization (SCO) summit, but declined to attend the military parade. This duality is a likely indication of both leaders’ intent to balance between the two main global camps, not a decisive turn to Beijing and Moscow. For those readers worried about India, you can now relax. Anyway, as many of you have probably not heard much of the SCO, I can best designate it as a loosely-organized security collective advertised as China’s alternative to US-led global security arrangements but in reality a Potemkin group with more spectacle than substance. When the group’s main members have a grim history of violent confrontation, it sure is a red flag regarding the efficacy of groups like the SCO.

However, of all the global dignitaries, two men, the only foreign leaders given a Guest of Honor label by host Xi Jinping, stand out. One, Vladimir Putin, is China’s main partner in the quest to upend the status quo, or in highbrow academic jargon, the liberal world order. Many of you remember that mere weeks before Putin launched his diabolical and war-crime-saturated invasion of Ukraine, the pair agreed to a friendship of “no limits,” some oh-so-Chinese verbiage that certainly sent a chill down the spines of American policymakers concerned about both countries’ efforts to carve out roles for themselves as great powers at the expense of both the almighty United States and their smaller and weaker neighbors. While the pair can disagree over certain regions and, more publicly, nuclear weapons, both sides seem willing to cast aside such quarrels, along with their turbulent shared history, all in the pursuit of dethroning the United States as the global superpower.

Xi’s other controversial guest, a man even more isolated internationally than the war criminal Putin, is a man who, despite his history of widespread atrocities and menacing pronouncements, remains by far my favorite dictator: North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un, AKA The Big Man. And the Big Man deserved nothing less than a big train. The “Moving Fortress”, as Kim’s train is known, is a Soviet-era behemoth painted green with an impressive list of amenities. While in transit, Kim has constant access to satellite phones and flatscreen TVs, ensuring he can communicate with the outside world at all times. His entourage can also enjoy multiple conference rooms and bedrooms. Kim’s bulletproof and bombproof train, used since North Korea lacks dependable aircraft, is reportedly armed with guns, missile launchers, and even an escape helicopter. The Moving Fortress is so secure, in fact, it can only travel 50 mph. And to top it all off, while the portly Kim may look like he enjoys copious amounts of cake and cookies, the actual menu for his journeys includes fresh lobster and pork and an assortment of French wines.

It sure sounds fun being the Supreme Leader of North Korea.

Now, as I write this blog, the celebration in Beijing has concluded. If you are interested in watching the whole spectacle, check it out here. Geopolitics aside, one cannot help but marvel in awe at not only the pomp and circumstance accompanied by this anniversary parade, but also the tremendous power displayed in Tiananmen Square. Whether AI-powered submarine drones capable of subsea reconnaissance, expendable robotic wolves (yes, really), and most jarringly, updated nuclear-capable DF-5C intercontinental ballistic missiles, Xi Jinping has certainly sought to notify the world that China not only means business, but has the muscle to enforce it. And to state that Xi’s massive military parade was a show of force targeted directly at the United States would indeed be stating the obvious. It is hard not to be at least a little rattled by all the martial pomp and circumstance, though interestingly one notable exception seemed pretty chill about all the saber-rattling in Beijing.

Yes, there were many world leaders present at this parade. Even though Modi and Erdogan had left, many others had either remained from the SCO summit or arrived just for this spectacular parade. Beyond the hardware, Xi’s extravaganza also sent a more subtle, yet highly significant message to the United States and the world. Not only was Xi dressed in his Mao suit, an obvious symbol of defiance, but his seating arrangement also sent a clear message. Xi Jinping easily could have been chosen to be flanked by the leaders of less militarily threatening Chinese neighbors such as Vietnam, Mongolia, or Kazakhstan. Instead, he opted for the symbolic dagger of flanking himself with Putin and the plump Kim, two leaders who have openly been in a state of confrontation with the West. While I would love to sugar coat the image (before Kim eats it) of three anti-American leaders standing together as nuclear missiles roll down the streets of Beijing, doing so would make me little more useful than an ostrich.

Now, as Putin and Kim return home, what are my other reflections on this stunning episode of saber-rattling and defiance? First of all, I want to make clear that I do not believe a military catastrophe or World War 3 situation is imminent. Outside the borders of Ukraine, all three of these “revisionists” have kept their bad behavior below the threshold of hot military conflict and there is no credible intelligence assessment of any major escalation in the near future. Neither are Xi Jinping or Vladimir Putin likely to achieve immortality, barring a spectacular shift in the laws of biology. However, their clear preference for perpetual rule is a sign that both men see themselves and their nations in the middle of a decades-long Weltkampf to reorder the international situation in a manner far more favorable to them, and dangerous to smaller nations eager not to be coerced by bullying superpowers. As for Big Kim, he may be the junior partner of this triumvirate, but he certainly cannot be ignored.

And if Kim ever reads this essay, he ought to know he is always welcome on Waitt What? The Podcast before his mortality eventually catches up to him.